Making the decision to put your parent in a home or keep them at home is a very difficult one. I found this good article onForbesthat discusses not putting your aging loved one in a home. Here is an excerpt below, to read the full articleClick Here. "Promise You'll Never Put Me In A Home." By: Carolyn Rosenblatt Mom probably made you say it. Maybe Dad did too. Could there be anything that causes more guilt in adult children withagingparents? It's an almost universal plea parents make to us. And we universally agree to what they ask, not thinking too far ahead. When ouragingparents extract this promise from us, they're usually in pretty good shape and make it clear that they want to remain in their homes until they die. Most people want that, and we'll probably want that too as we age ourselves. But, maybe no one planned on living to be so old as our parents are getting to be. Certainly no one plans on getting dementia, or being a huge burden to one's children. My own Mom, (may she rest in peace) who was mentally ill and frankly, a huge burden used to say "I never want to burden you children". Of course, she didn't want to, and we recognized that none of us could care for her and she spent all her last years in a care facility, where her quality of life was good. We all have limits ascaregivers. Whether they are physical, emotional, financial or family tolerance limits, we all have them. There is only so much we can do and so much we can take before we reach the breaking point. When we're past our own limits, we may start to recognize that we are not going to be able to keep going as full timecaregiversfor our parents. As they decline in health and require more care, day and night, sometimes with difficult to manage behaviors, it can sap our energy, wipe us out emotionally and financially, and threaten our health and our relationships. It can cause us to break that ill-thought-out promise we made before we and our parents really knew what we were promising. We probably didn't understand the level of our own personal sacrifice involved when we said Mom or Dad would never be in a care facility. My client, "Jim" took care of his Mom full time at home, with help from his wife. He, too had made the promise. As Mom developed dementia and was unable to care for herself, as well as being unable to sleep nights, Jim grew totally exhausted. He was getting up with her at night. He was with her during the day. She wandered throughout the house, went outside and started to walk down the block repeatedly, sometimes while he tried to get a few hours' sleep. She didn't have money. Jim wasn't wealthy either and couldn't afford full timecaregiversaround the clock. He asked for advice about a difficult decision: was it time to put Mom in a nursing home? We weighed the pros and cons. Medicaid would pay for full time care Jim simply couldn't afford. Mom qualified for it because she was low income and had no assets. Her behavior was getting ever more difficult for him to manage even with his wife's help. He was a very committed son, and felt bad about the idea of taking her out of her home. Finances narrowed his choices of what to do. He had to keep doing thecaregivinghimself or find a nursing home. I am not one to promote nursing homes. I've worked in them as an aide and a nurse and sued them as a lawyer for neglect of my clients. But I do know that good nursing homes exist. I know how to look for one, and Jim and I went over the process. Most importantly, I helped Jim understand how to keep his Mom safe in a nursing home. No matter what kind of facility they go to when that time comes, we have to become the safety police. Mom had some trouble at first adjusting to her new life in the nursing home, Jim told me,. But she got used to the place, and was doing fine within a short time. He visits every day and spends an hour or two. With that schedule, he knows exactly what's going on and can nip any problems in the bud. So far, it's working well. He dealt with the guilt he had by making a careful choice of the nursing homes in the area, and by making sure that he or his wife or another family member stopped by daily to see his Mom. Jim is at peace with his decision. Mom is well cared for, Jim gets to sleep at night and he's in a better frame of mind when he spends time with her. Best of all, Mom looks forward to his visits and has made some friends in her new home. If you find yourself thinking about a nursing home for an aging loved one, consider these 9 steps to take the guilt out of the choice you need to make. For the nine tips, continue readingClick Here. Remember for the best in Home Care in the St. Louis, MO area visit our website atwww.allmetrohealthcarestlouis.com.
...read more