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Positive Thoughts and Affirmations
Positive Thoughts and Affirmations We've all been there - we're moving along through our day, feeling relaxed and content, when our mind becomes overwhelmed or bombarded with negative thoughts. Or, we cross paths with someone vibrating negative energy. Or, we just wake up in a bad mood. What can we do? Your thoughts directly influence your attitude, mood and behavior. They have powerful energy and potential in how they guide our choices. Negative thoughts tend to generate pessimistic moods, hopeless attitudes, and unproductive behaviors. They are energy drains. On the other hand, positive thoughts cultivate positive actions which can lead to extraordinary outcomes. This is why it is so essential to keep your thoughts positive and focused on the things you want in life. The repetition of positive thoughts, oraffirmations, has the capacity to change your mindset and help you create the life you envision. Positive affirmations are short, positive statements, expressed internally or externally, that help to re-pattern your self-talk and rewire your brain. They are designed to challenge negative beliefs and replace or re-frame them with self-nurturing beliefs. You can borrow affirmations others have written or create your own customized statements. Present tense affirmations are more powerful - short, clearly-stated affirmations are easiest to repeat and remember. For example, the affirmation "When I believe in myself, others will too" or "I am worthy of goodness", when repeated consistently, slowly washes over the previously held negative, self-defeating thought or belief. The key to success isrepetition. By repeating these positive thoughts again and again, you are rewiring your brain. "Brain cells that fire together wire together." Consistent use of affirmations will actually help you to construct new neural pathways in your brain. Each one of our thoughts affirms an inner belief or truth. If we are constantly and subconsciously affirming with our self-talk, and this flow of perceptions and affirmations is filtering our reality in every moment, can we adjust our reality? Absolutely. Our beliefs have developed from learned thought patterns since childhood, some that work well for us, but others that could truly be working against us. These negative beliefs become dysfunctional and may be sabotaging our capacity to reach our potential. It is important to realize that many of these "inner truths" may not actually be true for us now or may be based on invalid or inappropriate impressions we absorbed as children, which, when examined later as an adult, can be exposed as irrelevant or untrue.Taming ourInner Criticcan be a life-long goal, but gets easier and easier with consistent practice. When you hear that critical voice in your head, ask yourself: Is this helpful? Is it true? Where is this voice coming from? How is this voice serving me? If you now recognize the statement as untrue or self-sabotaging, choose a positive affirmation as a replacement for the negative message. Attempt to re-frame your messaging whenever you are able to notice it happening. It may be difficult at first, but with practice, it will get easier and easier. As you practice and improve your capacity to remain focused on the new positive thoughts, the old negative neural nets will fade away and the positive neural nets will strengthen and take root. This will make it easier for you to sustain a positive reality, which will enable you to launch your energy into the necessary action steps to reach your goals. Our thoughts are EVERYTHING. How are your thoughts serving YOU? ...read more
By Coastal Coaching February 01, 2011
Don't Run From Uncomfortable
For most of us, comfortable is the feeling we usually prefer and pursue. In fact, we spend much energy ensuring our comfort: we pay for heat and hot water, we eat when we're hungry, we sleep when we're tired. Most of our time is spent living within our Comfort Zones. Why? Well, for most of us, it's just easier to stay in a space of known versus unknown. We know what to expect, it's an assumed rhythm and it's a place where we feel relaxed and safe. All good things, right? Yes, and No. The environment you create around you – the community and home where you live, the people you surround yourself with, what you spend your money on, your daily habits such as how you sleep, eat, or learn, the ways you interact, how you dress - all of this gives a sense of security and comfort. The problem is, if you stay in your comfort zone all the time, you just can't grow into your best possible self. Why not challenge yourself to get uncomfortable once in a while? A little over a year ago, my partner and I had a very big choice to make. We had been living 3 hours apart in 2 different states for 4 years. We wanted to simplify our lives and were considering blending our families, but were also concerned about how our 5 children would be impacted by a relocation. For months and months, whenever we got close to a decision, we tabled it. "It might not work, it could even be a disaster, perhaps we should wait", we often thought. What if any one of the kids didn't transition well? How could I give up a job I loved in a down economy? What if the kids didn't like their new schools? What if, what if, what if... Then one day, it became clearer. The children's comments began to sound encouraging, and we paid more attention to what they were saying. This attention also helped us to hear our own voices more clearly. One day in early August, we had a family meeting and, surprisingly, everyone voted to move. We only had 3 weeks to prepare, sell the house, pack up our things and register 4 children into three new schools! Was there risk involved? Absolutely. Was it comfortable? Not at all. Was it worth the discomfort? No question in my mind. Anything worthwhile comes with risk. A new career or romantic relationship, getting married, having a baby, moving to a new place, ending a relationship, public speaking, or writing a book are all experiences that involve some amount of risk. We just can't grow or achieve our goals without taking risks. And that means letting yourself be uncomfortable now and again. Feeling uneasy in a situation which is new, challenging, or off-balance is perfectly normal. We cannot expect to feel comfortable all the time. And, we cannot expect to grow without discomfort. That happens when we allow ourselves to stretch outside our comfort zone. So, find a way to put a little productive discomfort into your life. First, the next time an uncomfortable situation comes your way and you feel like running or resisting, don't. Sit in your discomfort and simply acknowledge it. Breathe slowly and deeply and re-frame the fearful thoughts in your mind. Talk to yourself firmly but lovingly. Recognize the situation as an opportunity to challenge and evolve your potential. Of course, there's a big difference between meeting a reasonable challenge and simply taking a foolish risk. Obviously, if you're not a seasoned athlete, you may find yourself with a lot more than discomfort if you impulsively decide to enter a triathlon with a coworker. But, if you train your body and prepare yourself mentally, it's worth a try. Fear wears many disguises and it takes real courage to confront fear. Courage is not the absence of fear but the capacity to resist the control it exerts over your choices and actions. When we let ourselves get uncomfortable once in while, our courage grows. And that incremental growth of courage in small ways will allow us to face bigger challenges in the future. Look back and recall times in your life when you stepped out of your comfort zone. How did you do? How did it feel afterward? What did you learn? Now, consider the things that make you uncomfortable today and choose a new challenge for yourself. Start with something small. Or … Leap into the unknown! Dance, laugh, sing, jump, and have fun. Let your spirit soar! ...read more
By Coastal Coaching January 14, 2011
The Challenge and Magic of Blended Families
The choice to blend two separate families in remarriage is not an easy decision. In most cases, it takes the new family unit several years to develop an accepted, fluid group dynamic in which each person feels comfortable in their new role. Having patience and reasonable expectations at the outset is essential. While it is already the job of most children, particularly teenagers, to test boundaries, this becomes all the more amplified in the new blended family. In this environment, a strong, solid couple relationship will make all the difference. Couples who are influenced by being popular or by feelings of guilt will emit signals of vulnerability that will be immediately gleaned by the children. These cracks in the new foundation will only fuel any anger or resentment by kids who are feeling insecure or unhappy about the new situation. Check in with each other frequently, back each other up and keep to higher ground. Managing your emotions, with keen awareness to resist taking any of this personally, will allow you to maintain a broad perspective on the emerging family unit. Sharing your feelings with one another without blaming, creating conflict resolution plans, and developing rules and systems that are open to re-evaluation all help to guide you along. Another helpful idea is the Family Meeting. Once a month or so, find some time to all sit down and take turns letting each new family member speak and feel heard. It is so important for children and parents to feel that someone listens and cares about how they are feeling. You could even try Reflective Listening, where you repeat what the person has said to validate that you have, in fact, heard them; then ask "Is that right?" to make sure you are understanding and "Is there more?" to assess if they have more to share. Not only will this affirm the shared thoughts and emotions, it will also prevent talking over one another and model good communication skills for their future relationships. Encouragement and positive language is also necessary for the new family to flourish and grow in trust and love. Criticism between children or between child and parent is abusive and especially caustic to people in transition. Likewise, it is essential that children not hear negative commentary about the non-custodial parent, no matter the history or truth of it. It will be particularly difficult for children to learn to trust their parents if they are exposed to negative banter. And finally, don't forget to allow yourself to invite gratitude into your daily interactions, with your partner, your children and all those around you. Sharing how much you appreciate the people in your life goes a long way toward cultivating the blended family you envision. While the challenges of creating a blended family are very real, so are the rewards and magic of that co-creation. Stay flexible, open-minded and ever humble to the task before you. Sustained awareness of the many messages - obvious and otherwise - that are shared as you journey together into your blended life will be your barometer – pay careful attention to them. ...read more
By Coastal Coaching December 28, 2010