Top Abuse Treatment Services in Arlington Heights, IL 60004
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Counseling, Arlington Heights,IL-James R. Buchholz, LCSW
Obstacles, trials and tribulations, even the conflicts we endure on a near daily basis can be enough to create imbalance in our lives. Sometimes we aren't equipped with the skills to effectively handle and resolve these issues. It's times such as these in which counseling and / or therapy prove to be quite useful because they allow you to work through issues in a safe and secure environment. Talk about your emotions and feelings with our experienced counselor and learn different and perhaps creative ways of tackling your issues head-on so you can regain control of your life. Be sure to schedule your appointment as soon as possible. The quicker you begin working through your conflicts, the quicker you'll find the resolution that works best for you and your unique circumstances. Get the expertise you need when you tap into our 35+ years of experience and utilize our counseling services. Talking with an objective person about your problems is more helpful than hiding your emotions. The most common type of counseling is individual counseling, which involves the individual and the therapist. Sessions for adolescents, adults and couples typically involve on-going and open discussions that last approximately 50 minutes each. During these private sessions, the client is able to express his or her fears, concerns, behaviors and emotions. The goal is to equip the client with insight, information and knowledge that will empower them to make positive lifestyle changes and decisions. Depending on the stage of life or the difficulty of the client's concern, the characteristics and methods of the counseling may vary. Family therapy is useful when normal conflicts within the family escalate into emotional distress or angry confrontations on a daily basis. It can also be helpful if one family member begins to exhibit unacceptable or inappropriate behaviors that affect the family as a whole. Life can be stressful. With proper guidance, you will learn how to manage it effectively. ...read more
By Buchholz, James R., LCSW January 08, 2015
Life Is A Series Of Choices
Fortune cookies are true…so I now believe. Two days before our Friday December 2008 wedding, my wife to be ate at a Chinese restaurant, where, at the end of a good dinner, her fortune cookie read: "A lifetime of happiness lies ahead of you." The next day, on Thursday, she went out for Chinese again and the (next) fortune cookie read: "The coming Friday will be an exciting time for you." Was this a coincidence or was a specific message brought by the Universe to my lovely bride-to-be? The fortune cookie story doesn't end here. Last night I shared my career ambitions, goals, and dreams for my life with my wife. I explained why I believe I have been blessed with a wife and son who I adore, a wonderful family, great friends, and a successful career. I explained to Korrel that I have achieved such riches because of my growing capacity to love, commitment to personal growth, dedication to my career, belief in my dreams, and most importantly, my ability to make the right choices at the right time. An hour after that discussion, at a Chinese restaurant, my fortune cookie read, "Life is a series of choices, today yours are good ones." I knew then, I had to write something. Life is a Series of Choices Life comes from the right choices at the right time, as well as the willingness to pursue the goals inherent in these choices. Robert Frost nailed the "choices" challenge in his poem The Road Less Traveled. In this poem, he saw the value of ending up at a "crossroads" in life. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could" At this crossroad, we face two distinctly different paths, which have two equally distinct different outcomes. Perhaps, at this crossroad, we are brought to the biggest choice of our life: in which direction do we proceed? Do we take the path that is more familiar to us, the one that we can navigate in the dark—with our eyes closed; or do we take the path that is unknown, frightening, and strewn with obstacles and unpredictable outcomes. The familiar path offers predictability and safety, but only a limited version of "success." However, the "road less traveled" is risky in nature, but has the possibility of ultimately changing your life. When you travel down the road less traveled, there is no turning back; life is forever changed and you can never return to the old life of safety and predictability. This risky path is where choices manifest into dreams, and dreams manifest into reality. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference." Paul Coelho, the author of "The Alchemist," believes that we all have the ability to achieve our "personal legend," which is the best possible version of ourselves: the person of our dreams. Mr. Coelho believes by pursuing your personal legend you have then chosen "the path God has chosen for you here on Earth." It is a path toward the life you believe in, goals that you have chosen, and dreams that you know belong to you. Through difficult choices, a commitment to moral and ethical principals, the courage to see mistakes or bad outcomes as gifts, and the humility to not lose yourself in moments of success, one can achieve their "personal legend." Similar to taking the "road less traveled," achieving one's personal legend may come at a cost. Life consists of a series of "mini crossroads," where good choices, despite one's best intentions, can result in failure and disappointment. For those of us who are pursuing our personal legend, we know that life's loftiest and most heartfelt goals can sometimes end in failure and disappointment; but still we persevere. By dedicating ourselves to the pursuit of our very best version of ourselves, we are able to transform our moments of disappointment, disillusionment, or embarrassment, into achieved goals and dreams. The words of Robert Frost and Paul Coelho have inspired me to understand that because life is truly a series of choices, we can achieve our dreams. We all come into this imperfect world, in imperfect families, and as imperfect versions of ourselves. All of us have our stories of dysfunctional families, economic hardships, medical limitations, self esteem challenges, etc. God intended us to all be able, through conscious choices, to grow and develop into something special. Without committing to a path less traveled or path toward our personal legend, we live our life, at best, in mediocrity: never quite knowing how far we could have progressed, who we could have become, and what effect on the world we could have made. It is through a series of choices and the perseverance to pursue the goals inherent in these choices that we achieve our God given potential. Choices bring us to dreams. ...read more
By Clinical Care Consultants December 16, 2010
Domestic Violence Is Not Just About Physcial Abuse
Over the course of my career, I have helped many clients pursue a sense of personal power and emotional health sufficient enough to be safe, strong, and healthy while working through relationships with aggressive and/or abusive partners. Generally speaking, these aggressive/abusive partners flourish in relationships in which they are given the power to control a person. To maintain power and control in their relationships, they need to be in relationships with individuals who typically have poor boundaries, low self esteem and who have little to no self confidence (a sense of no personal power). Similarly, codependent or co-addictive individuals fall within the abusive partner's "radar," especially when they are an addict. To retain power and control in the relationship, the abusive partner has to control the relationship in order to create an environment of fear, insecurity, and perceived powerlessness. Consequently, a complicated dynamic of domination and submission is created; one in which power and control is perpetuated by physical, emotional, and/or verbal abuse, or the fear of the recurrence of such abuse. Being afraid, not feeling like you have the power to stop the abuse, and secretly believing they couldn't find anyone better (being brainwashed), the victim partner believes they are powerless and therefore, trapped in a perpetual cycle of emotional, verbal, and/or physical violence. The cycle is maintained by frequent episodes of abuse which ultimately "brainwash" the victim partner in believing that they do not have any recourse (or resources) to stop the abuse. The cumulative effects of the cycle of abuse create further feelings of powerlessness, which further immobilizes the victim partner. Contrary to what most people think, the most common mode of maintaining power and control is not through the use of physical violence. Most abuse is either done emotionally or verbally. Most victims of both physical and emotional/verbal abuse attest that the verbal/emotional wounds are deeper, hurt more, and take longer to heal. The following list illustrates the tactics that the abusive partner uses to exert power of their victim partner that does not include physical violence. 1. Intimidation 2. Emotional abuse 3. Blaming, denying, and minimization 4. Financial control 5. Isolation 6. Turning their children and/or friends against them 7. Coercion and threats The victim partner keeps "tied" into the abusive relationship due to their lack of experience and knowledge with relationships based upon mutuality, respect, and fairness. Often, the victim comes from a family in which they either experienced harm or neglect as children or witnessed harm or neglect to one of their parents. Often one or both of their parents were either an abuser or a victim of domestic violence. Therefore, the victim partner gravitates toward what is familiar, or unconsciously reminiscent of what they experienced as children. Although strange and paradoxical: what feels familiar is also seemingly safe. Individuals, who are assertive or aggressive, bold, and/or edgy, seem to be the partners that the victim partner finds as "attractive." Although this prospective "attractive" partner seems safe, there are lurking red flags that are, at this point invisible. Likewise, the aggressive person is unconsciously attracted to a kind, forgiving, accommodating, and understanding individual, who they unconsciously recognize as someone they can control and who won't leave them when there abusive side emerges. The relationships between these two types of people often start off with a bang: high levels of attraction/infatuation, poor boundaries, and intense and frequent sexual activity. Unfortunately, after the "chemistry" wears off, the unconscious elements come to the surface. The abuser establishes domination and the victim feels trapped and consequently falls prey to a role of passivity, fear, and powerlessness. The saddest part of this relationship dynamic is that the victim partner unwillingly and unknowingly repeats the same patterns of their parents and their parents-parents-- all of whom incorrectly believed love and commitment supersedes respect, fairness, mutuality, and most of all, safety. "Love" is maintained at any cost. There is help out there for the victims of domestic violence. Therapists like me offer a way out. For further information: www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence ...read more
By Clinical Care Consultants December 16, 2010