A multi-part series on parenting from the specific questions my patients have asked me over the years. By far, the most common parenting mistake I see comes from parents who fail to change their disciplinary tactics as their children get older To see the FULL breakdown of how parenting must evolve as your children do, visit: http://drldabney.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Effective-Discipline-Techniques-for-Each-Phase-of-Your-Child%E2%80%99s-Development.pdf Before I jump in, let's first understand that discipline should always be in line with the child's developmental stage, intelligence, and maturity level. Discipline is often har, and unless it's developmentally appropriate, it will also be ineffective. TODDLERS, PRESCHOOLERS & EARLY ELEMENTARY Primary Developmental Characteristic: Vulnerable to stimulation overload. Most effective techniques: Firm but soothing redirection During this phase, it's crucial for parents to understand thatvery young children act out due to stimulation overload, and not because of willfulness, spitefulness, or meanness.The emotional load a preschooler feels about something as small as losing a toy can be equivalent to an adult coming home to discover their beloved pet has died. If this happened to you, you might fall down on your knees and cry, and we wouldn't scold you for your behavior because we'd know that you were experiencing an emotional flood. When toddlers and preschoolers do the same, parents need to see that as an emotional surge, rather than as willful malice or naughtiness. Time Outs When a very young child acts out, redirect their behavior calmly. Try to identify the source of overstimulation and eliminate it as best as possible. For example, many parents find timeouts are effective at this age because it removes the child from the overstimulating event or environment. However, timeouts should be brief (one minute per year of age), and the parent should remain in the child's sight and/or within earshot. Even after the child develops object permanence, it can be traumatic for them if their parent disappears during an already upsetting event. Remaining near your child during a timeout also makes it easier to soothe him or her, and hopefully speeds their ability to calm down. Imagine that you discover your son kicking a child at the playground. Try to remove him from the situation and then sit near him during timeout while repeating a simple directive, such as "We don't kick." When the child calms down, you can allow him to return to the event to see if he can handle it again. Temper Tantrums For temper tantrums, I recommend T. Berry Brazleton's approach. Hold the child firmly in your arms while saying soothing statements, such as "I'm holding you to help you calm down," or "as soon as you calm down I can let you go." Some children also respond to a warm or cool wet cloth while doing this. ---- Visit http://drldabney.com/ for more disciplinary information for Birth - 2, Late elementary and middle school and high school.
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