With Halloween in the rearview mirror, the malls and stores across the islands are already trading out those costume and candy displays for Santa, elves and snowmen. While many people look forward to the holiday season - especially retailers - there’s another group of people who begin to dread the stress and pressure that are packed into the next eight weeks. “Just the language of ‘Happy Holidays’ and ‘Merry Christmas’ puts pressure on people to feel like they’ve got to be joyful or something is wrong with them,” explains Randy Hampton, co-owner of Hawaii Hypnosis Center and one of Hawaii’s leading authorities on the subconscious. “It’s important for people to realize that it can be completely natural to be stressed, sad, or angry during the holidays. You can’t turn off your emotions because the calendar or society says so.” Hawaii Hypnosis Center hears from dozens of people during November and December who are seeking relief from the things they are feeling. Instead of trying to “power through” or overcome the feelings, the Center recommends that people recognize that the emotions are indicators of something that needs their attention. “If you’re feeling sad, it may be because you’re missing someone during the holidays - and that’s an okay emotion to feel,” Hampton explains. “Honor their memory instead of thinking you can’t grieve during the holidays. The same is true with anger - if you feel angry, try to figure out why and rationally address it in a satisfying way without ignoring it.” Here are some other tips to help Hawaii residents and holiday visitors navigate the season without so much pressure: If the holidays are stressful, break up the patterns that you’ve developed. Don’t do what you’ve always done or you’ll get what you always get. If you know that last minute shopping is stressful, plan now and get the shopping done early. If having the holiday meal at your house is stressful, think now about a different place for the meal. Don’t just meaninglessly execute the standard plan, instead use the early time now to consider ways to do things differently or to ask others for help. Allow yourself to experience the good moments of the holidays. Take time to listen to that children’s choir at the mall sing Christmas carols or spend a few minutes enjoying the flavors of the holiday meal you helped prepare. Give yourself the gift of enjoying the moments of the holidays and being fully present. If 80 percent of the stuff around the holidays makes you crazy, focus more on the 20 percent that matters. Make it your mission to spend your energy on making that 20 percent into an even larger share of your family’s holiday. Be a mindful gift giver. Instead of filling your gift list with more “stuff,” focus on the person when you’re contemplating on what to give. The most meaningful gifts are the ones that touch the heart, not the biggest, shiniest or most expensive. Get meaningful gift ideas by remembering the things that you and that person experienced during the past year or remembering what that person meant to you as you developed as an individual. Don’t project the bad things. Let’s face it, a lot of worry comes from stuff we imagine in the future that never comes to pass. Just because last Christmas had a glitch doesn’t mean that the same actions and behaviors will occur. If you focus on the things that could go wrong, you will actually subconsciously steer toward those things. The way you act will prompt others to act certain ways too, so project the kind of holiday you want to have not the one you’ve had in the past. Set the expectations right now. Let everyone know what the rules are for get-togethers and for gift giving. If money is tight, let people know now so that you aren’t pressured to buy things you can’t afford. If your job is stressful and you can’t make the amazing gingerbread house this year, say so now so no one gets disappointed. If you can’t make it to someone’s party because you’re sad about losing someone this year, just let them know. It’s okay to feel stressed, broke, angry or sad. The wrong thing to do is to wait for the pressure valve to blow and for everyone to be surprised. Focus on the season, not the noise. Recognize that there are a lot of distractions and everyone is going to be under pressure. Kids get cranky from the constant amped up excitement and parents get edgy too. Understand that everyone is experiencing the challenges. Give other people room to decompress. Forgive someone who has a short fuse. Remember to be the kind of person that you want to be around during the holidays. Breathe. People under stress tend to “short breathe” and not allow their lungs to fill completely. Make a habit of being aware of gentle deep breathing. If the pressure is coming and you think there isn’t anything you can do about it, find YOUR way to relax. Whether you use hypnosis or get a massage, make some time to do something for yourself so that you can handle things when the pressure does rise. “Somewhere along the line, too many of us got to a place where commercialism and family tension replaced the holiday spirit,” Hampton said. “Rediscovering yourself and the meaning of the holidays is the best gift you can give or receive. Practice being mindful of the important things and often times the other stuff will fade away.” We do offer a 1 session Holiday Stress Buster just through the holidays. Ask about our special rate for this stress relief session. It is also a good chance to give hypnosis a try if you are considering it for other issues.
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