As a 56 year old, I am almost routinely hearing about a friend or an acquaintance whom lost a love one, after battling a long and debilitating chronic illness, before passing on. I implore you to do what ever it takes and urge your aging loved one to openly discuss and implement plans for their declining years and end-of-life care, even if it may not include you. I am so painfully reminded by the stories where as family caregivers, we fail to ask the hard questions to an aging parent's personal business affairs; however, the many personal experiences I've encounter, to hearing story after another painful story from friends, I am reminded to never be shy about inquiring about details with end-of-life planning. Procrastinating or avoiding the inevitable can and will soon cost you great personal hardship from a significant loss in time, to money and personal health sacrifices. And if there are siblings involved; you can never prepare enough for this unpredictable fall-out that usually results in some very hard range of feelings when sibling rivalry raises its ugly head. When do you discuss these personal and financial issues with your aging parent or loved one? First, you will need to have some kind of working relationship with your loved one. Next, timing is everything. Select the most ideal time when your loved one seems to be feeling fairly well, both physically, and cognitively. Further, do a self-check; are you feeling well enough to initiate a well meaning and respectful conversation? If you are unable or feel that you cannot discuss personal business issues with your loved; my recommendation would be to enlist the support of a professional third-party, such as a "Patient or Health Care Advocate" through a non-profit organization. For a nominal fee, the Health Care Advocate is competent to: Ask the right questions Conduct an "Activities-of-daily-living assessment." Complete an Advance Directive; Prepare other related documents Articulate the necessity to Prepare an appropriate Estate Planning document. Articulate real-life stories of individuals whom failed to plan, but are now unable to communicate their wishes to health care practitioners, and their loved ones have no legal authority to do so. Inform the loved one about State and Federal Government laws about time-sensitive rules concerning those who are medicare and medicaid beneficiaries. Finally, if you, the reader are age fifty-five and older, then by all means, please be immediately and seriously take the aforementioned advice, by contacting a Health Care Advocate through a non-profit organization. Or, you are more that welcome to contact: Van Elder at: (888) 668-5051. If your company or group of at least 12 wish to invite me as a speaker on Estate and end-of-life planning, please contact: California Council of Service Advocates, Inc. http://www.cacsadvocates.org. or postmaster@cacsadvocates.org. There is a twenty-one (21) day advance notice is required.
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