If I see this issue again in my practice I am going to publically declare an epidemic! You will need a cup of strong coffee for our discussion today. Come on in. I want to hear your comments. Q. My wife created a page on a popular social networking site. Now she is making contact with old boyfriends from high school and college. She is receiving and making phone calls late into the night with these guys.  She texts them while we are watching television together. Do I have a reason to be jealous? This feels terribly wrong to me. A. First I want to publically state: I have begun to hate social networking sites. The media hype in the beginning was great. As a counselor, I am beginning to see the residual effects of social networking. I started to become a ‘networker' but quickly determined it was not for me and was not good for my practice, my family and my church family, and my reputation to have so many ‘friends'.  So I no longer even log into any site for personal use. It was in seeing what was happening to my clients that prompted my decision to not get entangled in the web of social networks. In my practice I see teenagers compromising themselves with comments, pictures and statements. Anything posted is quickly shared with friends of friends of friends. Automatically! In couples I tend to see emotional needs being met by these social networking sites. An individual may begin by connecting with old friends just to see what paths their lives have taken. When an individual, whether it is the one making the connection or the one connected with, has a relationship void in their life the site now becomes a way to fill the void. Case in point: say you are not being validated as man by your wife. She is no longer appreciating you. You never hear her say how terrific you are or how proud she is of your contribution to the familyI hope this helps. Let me know. You may email me atcindyhwarren@yahoo.comwith your questions. Till next week…continuing to instill hope in all things! Ms. Cindy ...read more

I received a great question this week. I guess we would all need to examine our conversations in light of this discussion. Grab a cup of coffee and join me in this discussion. Q. My children have no respect for authority. They talk back and are sarcastic. I have heard them speak to other adults the way they speak to us, their parents. How can I break this bad habit they have developed? A. Our children are not born disrespectful. They are born to be trusting and dependent on others. Children learn to be disrespectful either by observing adult conversations around them or by testing the waters and receiving a pay day for disrespectful behaviors. I will explain both for you. After my explanation, examine which would apply in your family. Let me know which works and how you made the changes to enable new behaviors to evident.First I would like to talk about what your children observe in the adults closest to them. When you (or those in your household) talk to repair companies, bill collectors, customer service representatives, hard to get along with neighbors, difficult relatives, and spouses what tone do the children hear. For this discussion I will use the word ‘you' but I mean all adults the children hear. If the children observe you obtaining satisfaction by being loud, rude, sarcastic or ugly on the phone or in the house or in the yard, they soon figure out the best way to achieve satisfaction.To counter this effect, begin changing the way you sound. When talking to other adults always begin by stating what is good about the issue or service or the person. Sound sweet, respectful yet firm. Then, and only then, state the issues that are bothersome. Always end the conversations on a positive and respectful note. If you allow the children to see consistently in the way you handle frustrating situations they will soon follow suit. But, you must point out your faults to the children so they see you realize you trained them wrong and want to make it right from this moment forward. Children will respect you and will try to follow what you do. If you only state this policy and do not do what you say they will only do what they observe.Second I would like to talk about the pay day your child receives in response to disrespectful behaviors. If a child receives what they want by being disrespectful, then why should they change? The pay day is receiving what they want. Do you find yourself frustrated and giving in? Take away the pay day for bad behaviors. Remember, we are training children to be effective, productive adults. Would your employer reward rude, disrespectful employees? Would an employer hire a rude and disrespectful person? You are setting your child up for a difficult life if you do not pay attention to what the children hear from adults around them. I hope this helps. Let me know.You may email me atcindyhwarren@yahoo.comwith your questions. Till next week…continuing to instill hope in all things! Ms. Cindy ...read more

I had an interesting week. I received a question that sums up my week exactly. My week consisted of eighty two percent men and the rest were women. All my individual sessions were working on couples' issues but overall my client load this week was male. Grab a cup of coffee and join me in looking at the following question. Q. My wife says I need counseling. My father would roll over in his grave if he, even for a moment, thought I might consider going to counseling. Counseling is for women, right? I don't know if I would have anything to say in counseling. This is the safest way I know to check it out without actually signing up for anything. A. I am going to guess that you will not believe the following statement but I will say it any way. I hear this all the time. When a man shows up for counseling I applaud them verbally. I do this because of the preconceived ideas that say real men don't do counseling. In reality, it is just the opposite. Real men want to improve relationships. Real men want to see their wives healthy and happy. Real men want to inspire their children by being the best role model possible so the children become the best adults possible.Many times men do not receive the best advice from their fathers. Many times men cannot repair things in their world without the coaching from a trained marriage and family therapist. So, when a man shows up for counseling I applaud them. Men have a difficult time understanding their role in this new age. Men used to work the fields and hunt for the daily family existence. Their role in the past was much clearer. Now, however, men may work swing shifts, work nights, work days, or work two jobs and still be expected to assist with house work, childcare and errands because the wife also is in the work force. Not only has a man's role changed over the years but now men are expected to satisfy and fulfill their wife's emotional as well as physical needs. What a confusing job men have today. Men and women are doing the same jobs, keeping the same hours and times are harder than ever. Women need men to be something different from what our mothers needed of our fathers. Women come home and want to talk, men come home and want to work on hobbies or watch television. This causes conflict. Men are confused that women do not understand. Women are confused that men do not understand. Some times it takes a third party to sort out the confusing things going on in a person's head. For instance, a man may hear their father (in their mind) saying, "Men don't go to counseling." But, men may also see that a need for counseling exists. The tug of war going on inside is tremendous. "What will my friends say if they find out I am going to counseling? What if my wife tells her friends and they tell their husbands? I'll be the laughing stock of the neighborhood." But, men, if you will come in and see for yourself that being in a counselor's office is not effeminate you will begin to see great things happen in your relationship with your wife and children. Wouldn't you love for your wife to brag to her friends that you are the greatest husband ever and wouldn't you love to see your wife become more of the wife you thought you signed up for in the beginning? These things happen as a result of sorting out issues (counseling) with a trained and unbiased marriage and family therapist. My past week is a perfect example. Men rule in therapy! Great job men! Try it. You'll like it (as the old saying goes.)I hope this helps. Let me know. You may email me atcindyhwarren@yahoo.comwith your questions. Till next week…continuing to instill hope in all things!Ms. Cindy ...read more