My, initial, decision to become a life coach and focus on self-awareness and understanding came from my own, personal, experiences with pain and suffering. I think, a lot of times, (and I know when I first ventured on this "path") people are under the impression that when they choose to become more spiritual or just decide to be more optimistic and healthy with themselves and about life, they believe it will end any pain or suffering that they experience. This, unfortunately, is not entirely true…yes, once you start to work on yourself from the "inside", you do realize much of our pain and suffering comes from within by how we think, feel and act; however, life will always contain just as much pain and suffering as joy and happiness. It is, merely, a fact and it happens to all of us. The biggest problem or "issue" with pain and suffering is that our society teaches us to either deny it, entirely, or label it so that we hold onto it and believe it is who we our (an "aspect" of our personality). Obviously, denial does not help to make any pain or suffering go away. It, actually, creates more of it because, not only, have you not acknowledged and dealt with whatever it is you are experiencing, but the denial of it creates a "snowball effect", in your life, due to the anxiety and stress that comes up from ignoring it, in the first place. When we hold onto pain and suffering, we begin to make it a part of us. This causes us to live in a "victim" mentality (keep in mind: all of us have been victims in one way or another… this is, just, a part of our individual and inner growth). Living in this way makes us more "dependent" on outside influences, which, in turn, keeps us from becoming aware and enjoying real liberation. This, too, creates more pain and suffering because it keeps us in misery and depression. When you become more aware of yourself and life, in general, and you experience any type of suffering (mental, physical or emotional pain), you need to go "deep" within to find the "root" of the suffering. It sometimes takes a while (weeks, months&even; years) but once you "find the source", you become more enlightened and you begin to "transform" into a whole, healthy and authentic individual. Pain and suffering will always be a part of everyone's life; however, when you feel "enough is enough" and you can no longer deny and/or live with so much pain and suffering, you can learn how to acknowledge it, deal with it, "cure" it and "expand" from it. It is up to us, as individuals, to decide whether to let our "suffering" hold us down or build us up. Self Realization is the key to enable any pain and suffering to be the "teacher" we need it to be, in order to, feel better. ...read more

I know this title may sound like an oxymoron…however, it is true; nonetheless…there is tremendous power in being vulnerable.Let me first establish what it means to be vulnerable…here are some definitions that I found in the dictionary:Vulnerable: capable of being physically and emotionally wounded or hurt; open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc; open to assault; difficult to defendBottom line is, the idea of being vulnerable or the act of vulnerability is, to be "open", to be "exposed" and in doing so, you are taking a risk, mentally, emotionally, physically and/or spiritually. Vulnerability is definitely not a concept that is readily acceptable by the "standards of society"; in fact, quite the opposite is instilled…to be seen as an invincible, dominant and commanding "force" is the way to be revered as successful and great…to always be in control of one's self so that no one and nothing can "defeat" you.I do believe and encourage the absolute importance of inner courage and strength and learning to control one's self through personal development; however, I do not believe that this means one should constantly be "guarded" and so controlled as to be "cut off" from his/her sensitive and vulnerable side.I have been noticing and becoming more enlightened to my own vulnerability, as well as, how to appreciate and understand it's "power" or "message"… but what really spurred me to write this article was a recent program I watched on television about body language. The program was based on the idea that whether we are aware or not, body language makes up like ninety-something percent of our communications with one another; in other words, our facial expressions and our gestures tell a lot about what is really going on with us no matter what we may be speaking.The program focused, primarily, on political figures and celebrities. Here's what I found rather fascinating and ridiculous, at the same time. First of all, many political figures and prominent individuals that spend a large amount of time in the public eye, actually, hire coaches to help them to learn "all the right moves" to create the image they are looking to establish for themselves and their particular career or status symbol. Wow…that's pretty amazing that we, as humans, feel such tremendous desire to appear to be so "together" and invincible that we would hire someone to teach and "condition" us, not only, on how to speak well, but also, to focus on every move that we make. I'm not saying this is, necessarily, right or wrong, (obviously, I understand the benefits of coaching…because I am one :0)) I just think that the more we incorporate our own self-realization into our lives, the more we, naturally, develop our true character without feeling as if we need to create an image to be someone or be successful.   The other thing I found incredible and a bit ridiculous was how all of the political figures use certain gestures to establish their personal power or control over others and situations. A few examples they showed was how the concept of the "upper hand" evolved…it, basically, entails the idea that when meeting someone and going in for the handshake, the individual on the left will always have the "upper hand" because as they reach forward to shake hands, their hand will be the one on top…and this conveys who has the real control.  Another gesture or move to convey importance or control was the simple act of going through the door…the individual that is the last to enter is the one who is really in control, especially, if they place their hand on the back of the individual going before them because it indicates that they are "guiding" that person to go forward.It's just astonishing what we do, as humans, to constantly suggest our dominance or self-importance…it certainly takes a tremendous amount of effort and energy…effort and energy that could have been spent on mastering our true self and doing so by being real, flaws and all, and learning from living and experiencing all our mistakes, misfortunes, good times and personal victories.Many times when we are vulnerable, it can indicate that we are not in control (of ourselves or the situation) and, yes, we may very well, appear weak…and yes, we may very well be so; however, we are, also, being REAL…as I always emphasize…we are all human and we all experience the same types of thoughts, feelings and emotions…sooo…it's ok to be vulnerable from time to time. Yes…in our vulnerability, chances are we will be "exposed" and more times than not, be "attacked", ridiculed, manipulated…etc…it's the way of the world. What's important to keep in mind is that in being vulnerable, we are expressing ourselves through our hearts…and this is where our true, loving nature resides. The other thing is that, no matter, how much we try to hide it or deny it, we will, at some point, be exposed to our vulnerability…in fact, there really is no way to live and move forward without experiencing those moments of fear and uncertainty or those moments we wish to express what is in our hearts and…not feel vulnerable.The more we realize that control or having the "upper hand" is just an illusion and only enhances an image or a facade that is fleeting (control never lasts because it's not our natural way of being and, overall, it does not promote our basic concept or reason for being here, which is…togetherness that we experience through our connectedness as human beings)… the more we can appreciate our vulnerability as an opportunity to be real, build our character and become whole. This does establish us to gain control…control of ourselves…and the more we learn to grow beyond our fears and remain true to who we are, and the world we live in, the more we live through our hearts and our vulnerability and…this, to me, is the most powerful way to be! ...read more

"The True Art of Forgiveness":written by Giselle BuonomoForgiveness is the most misunderstood and difficult "act" for so many people because forgiveness "creates" change and most would rather "suffer in quiet desperation" than find the courage to face the "unknown" and experience change. Let me, first, "bring to light" the common misconception of forgiveness. Most individuals are under the impression that, in order to, truly, forgive someone, you must take into account what they have been through and, despite their bad behavior or actions, if you continue to love and care for them, you are exemplifying forgiveness. This is not forgiveness; this is enabling someone to display and continue bad behavior and immaturity because of their own, personal, "trials and tribulations" or "misfortunes". Do you really believe you can forgive someone and move forward with yourself, and that person, and maintain an honest, healthy and loving relationship…especially if the person does not acknowledge, accept and grow beyond their negative behavior and actions…of course not! Resentment and anger will still be there and, most likely, get worse because you will believe it is wrong for you to continue to feel this way about this person once you have decided to forgive them. This will, inevitably, cause you to "harbor bitter feelings" that will keep you stuck and can "destroy" you as a person. Yes, it is true…it happens all the time and most people do not even realize it! When you "practice" this idea of forgiveness, you no longer continue to "grow into your own individual". You end up "carrying the heavy weight" of the pain, you feel from the person's bad behavior and actions. Eventually, this pain goes so deep that, subconsciously, you will begin to repeat and convey that negativity through your own actions and behavior…you, actually, become the person who, originally, caused you so much pain! In fact, all of your relationships will suffer because you will, "create" the same "scenario" as that of your relationship with the person who hurt you. It is a common but unhealthy and negative "cycle" that many repeat throughout their lives. What, then, is forgiveness…and how do you, truly, forgive someone. Well, first, it starts within you and finding the courage to be honest about your feelings surrounding this person and your relationship with them. You must fully acknowledge, to yourself that someone has hurt you and you need to forgive this person, in order to, let go of the pain and move on. Obviously, when people seek forgiveness and are sincere and humble, it is not very difficult to find forgiveness for them. Unfortunately, most times, not only, does a person not seek forgiveness, but they are, also, in denial over what they have done that would warrant it, in the first place. Sometimes you are looking to forgive someone who has passed on and you are unable to let go of the hurt you felt from this person's past actions towards you. This is when understanding and utilizing the "true art of forgiveness" will enable you to "unburden" yourself and make positive changes in your life.  Once you begin to, honestly, "open up", to yourself, that another has hurt you (and may still be doing it), there are a "range of emotions" that you will experience. This is, actually, the "process" of forgiveness. Incidentally, it is the, exact, same "process" we go through when a loved one has died. There are five "stages" or "phases" of emotions…denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance. You will experience these in any order and in varying degrees of intensity, depending on how "deeply rooted" your pain and hurt are. The best thing you can do for yourself as you go through this "process" is to remain "detached" and let any feelings and thoughts "wash" over you (this may be a good time to "journal" so that you can "release" the negative emotions and thoughts that arise as you heal). I think it is the same "process" as grieving because it becomes a "death" of your "old" self…in other words, forgiveness "creates" a transformation within you and your life. There is another important factor to consider with forgiveness. Forgiving someone does not mean you must keep that person a part of your life…in fact, if you are unable to, freely, communicate your thoughts and feelings with this person and you do not change and grow together, the best thing you can do for yourself is forgive them, let them go and move on. This does not mean you can not love them anymore, it just means that you make a conscious decision to eliminate them from any major part of your life or decide to let go of them altogether. This may be difficult and seem impossible when it is a close loved one or a very dear friend; however, if you "hang on" because of fears and/or obligations, the relationship will "fall back" into a negative "cycle". The only time it may be worth it to forgive someone and continue the relationship is if the person learns from his or her mistakes to grow within himself/herself and your relationship with them begins to improve. Remember: it is your life and whomever you decide to spend it with, is entirely up to you. Obviously, if you want to make positive life changes that enable you to grow and find fulfillment, you should spend time with people who are doing the same for themselves. Forgiveness is not always easy to do and it can be a slow and gradual progression. Sometimes you may "revisit" the "process" many times throughout your relationship with someone (like a parent with their children). Anytime you practice the "true art of forgiveness", you will experience positive changes, liberate yourself and become a stronger more confident person…enabling all of your relationships to become deeper, healthier and more loving. ...read more